Untitled
by RipJawWolfFang
Summary: Matt is pushed beyond breaking point. MattxMello. Attempted Suicide, strong language, mention of drug abuse and a hell of a lot of angst! FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

MATTxMELLO

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters... if i did the anime/manga would be rated R for shore...

MATTXMELLOXMATTXMELLOXMATTXMELLOX

Matt's POV:

I can't stand life...

It hurts, every second of it! What little good it brings is not worth the pain that is bound to follow. There was never much good in my life anyway.

I watched helplessly as my father killed my mother, my older sister and then himself... I still blame myself for that night, even though I know there was nothing a six year old boy could do to stop his drunken father from destroying everything he knew and loved.

Then came Whammy's. I was shipped there when they found someone with my 'genius' living in the gutter of my old home.

Whammy's was good to me; the high before the low. I was lonely until a catholic, blond, fireball threw himself upon my sad existence and completely changed my life!

Mello and I where best friends; Always with each other no matter the situation or the trouble that followed... Then came Near.

One 'Nate River' would destroy my 'blissfully' existence once again...

How? Easy! He had been at whammy's longer then me and Mello and posed no threat until that faithful day when Near scored higher then the chocoholic on some stupid test! It wouldn't have mattered as much if he didn't do the same thing over and over and over again, week after week, month after month, year after year.

Soon my Mello's only interest was beating Near. While we where still best friends and room mates, I always felt like the third wheel, Ironic because that's the position I settled into: Number 3.

Then L died...

Our hero, dead because some idiot got his hands on a killer note book!

That's when Mello and Near where suppose to start working together, to become a team. Like that would ever happen. Mello hated Near with every inch of his soul which at the time did not know the taste of violence and murder as it dose now.

The chocoholic asked me to follow him, to leave the place I called home at just thirteen to go and avenge the panda detective we all loved so much.

I agreed.

Some of the best times of my life where when we where first out there for ourselves! Poor as we where it was so great being with that deadly blond i had come to love!

Then Mello joined the mafia...

That bastard left me to fend for myself while he climbed their ranks. Left me alone to find drugs, abuse, more drugs, pain, yet more drugs and a nearly deadly overdose. That's when he found me again, when he decided to 'drop by' after god knows how long to see if I would do him a favour and install surveillance systems in his base.

I don't remember much about what happened that day, but I do know the angry blond kicked down my door when I didn't answer then found me unconscious and vomiting my guts out on my bathroom floor; then took me to said base and managed to keep me alive... somehow... Apparently I was in really bad shape.

By then my fireball of a friend was the leader of the mafia!

I had completely forgiven Mello for ditching me when he goes and gets himself blown up!

I honestly thought I would lose my only friend for a long time after. I couldn't take the ex-mafia leader to the hospital for so many reasons it's hard to imagine. So their I was so desperately trying to keep the chocoholic alive on will power and a tiny first aid kit that came with the apartment.

He recovered slowly... Painfully slowly... The whole left side of his face and shoulder where badly burnt and left a huge scar.

Mello never really got over that scar, but i thought it made him seem more... Human?

It's been so long since all of this shit happened that it's hard to remember it all. One thing is clear though, the events of just one hour ago hurt, really hurt.

Mello was so mad at me for messing up some surveillance tapes that he punched me in the chest hard enough to knock the air right out of my lungs then stormed off, making shore to tell me how 'fucking useless' I am and how he 'hated my fucking guts' plenty of times before he left our small apartment...

That, along with all of the stuff I mentioned before is why I am here now. Laying naked in a hot bath with warm, red blood slowly trickling out of my self-inflicted wounds, staining the water a sinister red in its wake.

It's beautiful really, my warm blood river spreading through the water so peacefully.

My vision clouds. Everything is starting to grow dark.

Finally, no more pain. No more loneliness. I won't hold back my best friend any more, my only friend...

My Love...

My Mello...

~

AN: REVIEW AND I WILL KEEP WRITING... I NEED INSPIRATION OR I GET ALL UNMOTIVATED! I AM A PYRO AND IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA TO EXPOSE ME TO OPEN FLAMES, BUT FEEL FREE IF YOU LIKE YOUR MARSHMALLOWS EXTRA CRISPY!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2!**  
_Thank you everyone for your reviews, without them I can't keep writing because I lose my motivation…_

_Disclaimer: I don't own death note, I like being depressing and angst is what I do best! If you don't like it then run away now!_

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

**Mellos POV:**

My bike skidded to a stop outside the apartment building I shared with the red headed hacker, Matt, and I jump of the seat and onto the small lawn, not caring that the neighbors will say when the see the muddy tire tracks in there precious grass; Its not like we would be living hear for long before I have to move us again.

I slowly make my way to the door, shoving my hands in the pocket of my black leather jacket and fumbling for the keys. I am in no rush to get back to the gamer upstairs, I hit him pretty hard tonight and I know I hurt him pretty bad.

Shuffling inside I decide to take the stairs, knowing when I get back my best friend will likely be curled up on the lounge playing his game with tear streaked eyes I know he will try to hide.

I snapped, and I really shouldn't have. It wasn't really the red heads fault; it was a computer error I blamed on his laziness! I feel like a jerk, walking up these stairs to avoid him and his sad green eyes tinted orange by those goggles he never seems to take off.

I finally reach the door of number 33 on the 3rd floor of this crappy, cheap and rotting apartment building. I give a loud sigh as I go to turn the handle, I don't know what I am walking into. The best I can hope for is a sobbing red head and the worst one that won't talk to me or let me apologize.

My first steps into the cold entrance where rather slow as I listened for the sounds of gunshots, repetitive instrumental music and the sounds of screaming monsters that would indicate where in the house Matt had bailed himself up. When I couldn't hear anything I became more shore that the tech won't want to talk to me, but I need to apologize anyway.

I walk down the hall looking in each room as I passed it, finding no one in the bedroom kitchen or lounge room the last place to look was the bathroom. Taking a deep breath I try to turn the door handle, finding it locked I rest my back against the cold white bathroom door.

"Matt?" I call out in my calmest voice, "Let me in."

But he didn't unlock the door or reply, 'great…' I thought, 'He must be really mad…' Normally he would have let me in without any protest, and if he was indecent it would take every thing in my power to stop myself from groping the stupid dog!

"Matt?" I call again, slightly harsher then last time. "Come on, let me in!" I demand but get the same response I did last time; nothing. I feel my stomach tie itself in a knot; the boy is really starting to worry me.

"Matt, I'm going to kick the fucking door down!" I yell slightly panicked when even my loud threat didn't get a reply, "You better not be taking any fucking drugs in there Matt!"

I stand back and send my right foot flying at the flimsy bathroom door, thankful for the first time it was so full of rot that the wood crumbled around the hinges sending said door crashing to the ground.

My eyes darted around the room; half expecting to find the stupid idiot of a hacker suffering yet another over dose, he promised he put it all behind him after the incident almost two years ago.

I soon spotted the one thing I wasn't ready to see; lying there in the bathtub in the far corner of the room was a very pail red head in water that had been dyed red with blood that could only be his.

"MATT!" My body was shaking so bad at that point I was honestly surprised I made it the whole way to my injured friends' side without collapsing.

I knelt beside the bath and rip off my jacket before pulling a very naked body from the water and onto my lap. Water splashed out of the bathtub everywhere on the floor and my cloths but I didn't care, all I could see was my best friends limp body, dripping with water and blood, his beautiful green eyes shut lightly, maybe never to open again.

I throw my jacket over the gamer's body and pull him close as I stand up, holding back tears as I make my way over the broken door and down the hall to our shared room. Eventually resting my precious bundle down on my double bed rather then his own tiny matrices in the corner.

I quickly run my fingers over his weak pulse, which seemed to get even weaker in the seconds I was touching his pail neck. I withdrew my hand and move it to his bloody wrists; he must not have known how he should cut them because there where deep slices in every direction all the way to his elbow, still dripping what was left of his life fluid sickeningly onto the bed sheets.

"Hang on," I whisper to the dyeing boy in front of me before running back to the bathroom to fetch the first aid kit I knew was hidden in the back of the medicine cabinet, Matt insisted we have one in the house at all times in case I decided to get myself blown up again.

A faint smile flickers across my face when I find the white box hidden behind some shaving cream and toothpaste which I had thrown to the ground in my frantic search.

I rush back to my room to find the gamer right where I left him; lying unconscious on my bed.

Chucking the box down on the ground and kneel down beside the bed; Fumbling around in the small box for a moment before finding what I needed, gauze and a few bandages wound around them selves in a tight cylinder.

I lay the gauze over the self inflicted wound on his left arm, that was both closest to me and seemed to hold the worst of the gashes then tightly wrapping his arm in one of the cloth bandages before doing the same to the other arm.

I couldn't help but think that this must have been what Matt felt like; having to treat my horrible burns by himself. A small tear rolls down my cheek and spills onto the white bandages.

I lean down and gently brush the bangs away from the red heads eyes that for once where without those goggles. I could see the breath escaping his lips in small, shallow, puffs and then was forced to see the painful reality; my best friend, my only friend… the guy I have loved before I understood what love was, is probably never going to wake up from this ordeal.

**HAHAHA I AM SO FREEKING EVIL! CLIFHANGER MUCH!?**

**I actually haven't decided whether or not to let matt live through his suicide attempt for mellos sake or let him die like he wants…  
Review and I will keep writing, don't and I will lose my need to continue…**

**Mello: I hate you!**

**  
RipJaw: Naw don't be like that mells! **

**Mello: (holds gun to ripjaws head) You better not let him die!**

**RipJaw: Well you will just have to wait and see like everyone elect now wont you?**

**Mello: !#%& #*(& #&$( **

**RipJaw: Now that's not very nice!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

_Hello guys n gals and welcome to chapter 3 of 'Untitled' Glad you have enjoyed this fiction enough to keep reading to this point!  
Thank you everyone who bothered to review, the feed back is what makes me continue to try harder and harder to make my writing better!_

_Its thanks to all of you that the story has made it all the way to its 3__rd__ chapter and soon to its forth and beyond!_

_This is a fanfiction and I own nothing!_

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

**Mello's POV:**

I sat watching Matt's chest rise and fall slightly while I tried to come up with a way to help the injured hacker survive the night. Every answer I came to seemed to hit a dead end; I could stay by his side and hope for the best or I could take him to a hospital and we could both be uncovered and killed.

It didn't take me long to realise I would rather risk my life for the slight chance that he could live then to let him die hear in my arms like this, but I couldn't help but try to figure out a better way for both of us.

Picking myself up of the floor only to sit down on the side of the bed next to matt; I slowly adjust the jacket covering his body before deciding that it wasn't warm enough. With a deep breath and a soft sigh I force myself up once more to wander over to where my plane, white blanket had somehow managed to migrate to the middle of the room.

When I reached down to pick the material up of the floor I got the idea that could potentially save my closest friend.

Near…

The albino brat must have at least one trained medic working for him, and chances are he had someone that's close enough to reach us in time. The thought of asking that bustard for help burned me up, there was far more to our relationship then just him beating me. There where things that not even Matt knew, things that tore me up inside and made me hate him even more then him just having better grades.

I look back at the near dead boy lying limp across my bed, his ragged and shallow breathing only just visible from where I stand now. With that, my mind was made up; the life of the gamer was the one thing worth more to me then my pride.

I walk back over to the one who I never told my true feelings, dragging the blanket and sitting down at his side; slowly pulling it over the red head before gently resting both his arms on top so I could keep an eye on his injuries.

The hacker is completely unresponsive, he is like a life sized doll that just stays wherever you chose to place him and moves however you wish to move him. Seeing him like this hurts everything that is me right down to the core.

I lean over the other males and stroke his cheek lovingly with my thumb before standing up and willing myself to leave the room to get my mobile which should be on the kitchen bench.

Leaving Matt alone didn't feel right, but I needed to call Near if I ever wanted to give the gamer a real chance of surviving. The kitchen of our small apartment never seemed so far away, even though it was more like a jog then a walk every step felt like an eternity.

I reach out and snap the small phone up, hastily punching in the number that would divert me five or more times before I reached Near. Bringing the phone to my ear I begin the brisk walk back to the bedroom stopping just before I reach the door as I hear the click of someone finally picking up on the other end.

"Near." I half hiss; even if it would save the red head lying on my bed, that didn't mean I had to enjoy this call.

'Mello.' without the voice distorter the boy sounded so small and weak, yet he shows no emotion at all.

"Matt's hurt." I reply in an equally emotionless voice, "He has lost a lot of blood and I think he is dying…" despite my best effort my voice crackled as I said the last few words, as if I was finally admitting to myself that I really could do nothing to help the gamer.

'I understand,' came the voice from the other end of the line, continuing after a short pause, 'You are still in the same apartment building as last time…' It wasn't a question, that stupid fucking bustard had been keeping tabs on me! I guess there's nothing I can do about that now. 'Stabilise him, will be there shortly.'

I snap the phone shut with a growl before he could say anything more. Turning and heading back into the cold bedroom I feel suddenly sick to my stomach, 'Something's wrong!' comes a cry from the far reaches of my mind.

I do my best to calm myself as I sit down on the bed next to Matt; that bad feeling nags at me until I finally decide to check the gamer's vital signs again, more to help myself relax then because I thought something was wrong.

Leaning over and placing my fingers over his faint pulse, thanking god that it was still there and then watch him closely; waiting to see his chest rise and fall for a long moment, when it didn't panic set in.

"Shit!" I hiss before jumping up and ripping the heavy blanket from Matt's unresponsive body. "Don't you dare die on me!" I growl, lifting his body up and carefully lying the dyeing male down on the floor where there was more room. My mind was fizzling under the pressure but I would never let that stop me from helping my only real friend!

Sitting beside the limp form of my best friend I slowly lower my lips to his, forcing precious oxygen into the red heads lungs.

"Matty?" I gave the faintest of whimpers as I lifted my lips from the hacker's cold ones, "Come on, breath for me." I lower myself to breathe into his lifeless body once more, tears finally leaking from my eyes, finding there way down my scared cheeks to fall down onto the gamer's perfect face.

"Don't leave me you stupid fucking pansy!" I cry out in between giving the other boy breaths, "I need you!"

**AUTHERS NOTES**

RipJaw: Oh dear poor Matty, guess I really should just put him out of his misery…

Mello: DO AND DIE!

RipJaw: I am not scared of you!

Mello: (growls and pulls out chocolate bar) and you had to get the albino brat involved didn't you?

RipJaw: Don't worry, I will always love you and matt more!

Mello: SO YOUR GONNA SAVE HIM?

RipJaw: (Shrugs) dunno…

Mello: I HATE YOU!

RupJaw: That's to bad because I love you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter4**

_Hello Again! _

_Thank you all for making it to chapter 4, I am very proud of this one!_

_Those of you who bothered to review can give yourselves a pat on the back because I only post my work on the internet for feedback!_

_You guys have been great! _

_I have the rest of the story mapped out in my head now; meaning me and one other person already knows what I plan to do to these guys over the next few chapters!_

_As you know I like 5 reviews per chapter so I can get a real feel for what you guys want, so if you want me to write faster then be shore to tell me what you like about each chapter!_

_Right now enough of me talking, lets get down to the carnage!_

_A FANFIC MEANS I OWN NOTHING MWAHAHAHAHA!_

**MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO**

**Nears POV:**

The second Mello hung up on me I stood up and headed for the monitor on the other end of the room, pressing several of buttons to bring up a very familiar file. With just a few keystrokes I had it decoded and open to my favourite gamer's profile.

"Aki, I need you to bring the medical supplies to the car." I called out to a tall, thin, black haired male who had been an orphan at Whammy's with me, the hacker and the chocoholic.

I read over the profile that I already have memorised, eyes finally resting on the sketch of my long time friend, and secret love, Mail Jeevas. It's true I have always felt deeply for the red head, it is also true that only Mello knows. The day the blond found out about my feelings for the other boy was the day he started hating me, though his feelings where completely one sided.

"We are going to see an old friend," I say flatly, "He is 18, blood type A- and is suffering suaver blood loss." I keep all the emotion form my voice just like I always do, however its far harder now I know the gamer is in danger.

As my two on staff doctors rushed around gathering everything he would need I reached out and grabbed a ratty, stuffed, brown dog that Matt had given me the day he left with the blond; Pulling it in close as I calmly walk out to the car and slide in.

Aki and Riki, my other doctor, both climb in a moment later and before to long we where speeding down the rode in the deep black van; Getting there wouldn't take long, I had deliberately set up my base close to Mello's encase something happened to either of them.

It only took three and a half minutes to get to the front of the apartment building where the redhead and Mello had been living for the past 92 days.

At first glance the whole building looked nice enough however it wasn't hard to see that it was old and falling to peaces, probably the cheapest place they could get. I have never been comfortable with the fact I inherited Ls entire fortune to chase after Kira, while the two people I considered important where so poor.

As soon as I we where out of the car and Aki and Riki had all the supplies they where rushing upstairs and I was doodling behind knowing that the chocoholic would never let anything to bad happen to Matt. Saying that, it must be bad to have made the one who considers me an enemy and rival to call and ask for help.

Soon we reached the door and the larger of the two men working for me, Riki, kicked down the door, which I felt to be most unnecessary however it did get us in much faster then waiting for Mello or picking the lock.

The first thing that hit my pale ears got my heart racing and had me clinging to the plush animal even tighter. It was the sound of a very distressed catholic, blond screaming out for the other to breath.

This time we all rushed to what I assume was the two boy's room, only to find a crying blond mess that I never thought I would see the ex-mafia leader become giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a very pale, very naked red head. I watched silently for a moment as everyone rushed around me, the blond continued to try and breathe for the gamer several more times until my doctors finally pulled him off the limp body to force a tube down the others throat and a needle into his arm.

"Don't hurt him you mother fucking basted," Yelled the clearly broken young man that had just been ripped from the body of his best friend, "I'll kill you!"

I quietly walked over to where the chocoholic sits on his knees; crying and yelling at my doctors, gripping the shoulder of his shirt, "Mello…" I whisper, his eyes not looking away from the redhead even for a second, "It would be best if you leave them to work."

"B-but," The other sniffles, finally looking up at me, "Matt could die…"

Taking a deep breath I speak slowly to the other male, "Come with me…"

With that I gave a light tug on his black top and the fireball that is Mello complied, lifting himself slowly off the floor to follow me to a room across the hall. For a few moments I thought he wouldn't make it to his seat before he collapsed in a shaking mess, but he somehow managed.

I sat across from him, holding matts old toy close to my chest and watching as the boy I once thought could take anything seemed to break down into nothing right in front of me, I don't blame him, on the inside I am doing the same thing.

**AUTHERS NOTE:**

_I know I know, I suck at NEAR but he is just too articulate for this puppy!_

_I don't relate to the albino the way I do matt and mel's… _

_But I didn't feel that doing this chapter from said blonds point of view would have worked out as well._

_I am also happy to tell you that once this fanfic is done I am going to work on 2 oneshots that explain how near fell for matt and how Mello saved matt from the overdose I have mentioned TWICE now._

_!REVIEW PLEASE!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_I am really sorry that it took so long to update, but like I said before 'I like to get 5 reviews per chapter so I know what people think' and this time I barely got any so I am going to just keep going anyway._

_I had a pretty cruddy week to so this chapter may be a bit of a nasty one; I seem to take out my own frustration on Matt and Mello when I write. _

_  
Alright: ON WITH THE SHOW!_

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

Mello's POV:

Oh god, what can I do? My only real friend is lying on the floor of the bedroom fighting for his life and I am sitting in hear with this albino fuckwit doing nothing to help!

Leaning forward on my knees to stair at my useless, blood soaked hands the memories of what happened tonight before I left in a huff flooded my mind. All I could see was Matts face when I slammed my fist into the gamer just a few hours ago. Even through his goggles I could see the sparkling tears escape when I was telling him how useless he was…

If the hacker dies tonight, it will be my fault. The last memory the red head will have of me is me telling him I hated him; that thought was slowly eating away at my mind.

Resting my head in my bloody palms and let the tears leak out, I know Near is watching me but for the first time in a long time I could care less if Ls successor sees my total emotional melt down. Even our rivalry isn't as important to me as my friend life.

I draw a deep and shaky breath before peer nervelessly up at the white haired detective across from me eventually letting my eyes sink back to the table in-between us; discarded bar of chocolate and empty packet of cigarettes being neglected.

Hours pass, but it feels like days. Silence is thick in the air as I go over my life with the gamer in my head. I really do love that scruffy dog and now all I can do is wait to find out if he even has a chance.

I glance up again at the rooms other occupant; his eyes have never left me since we sat down. The stuffed animal he is clutching used to belong to Matt; he gave it to Near after I told him we couldn't take it with us. Secretly I know that for a long time the young hacker couldn't sleep without that tattered old thing, feeling kind of bad for making him leave his safety blanket behind I would stay up late and play video games with the red head until we both had no other choice then to pass out on the floor.

I let out a loud sigh as the thought of seeing the gamer curled up in a little ball around his beaten old stuffed dog tickled at the back of my mind, he was so innocent back then and I guess he still is.

Footsteps reach my ears and break me away from my thoughts as the taller of the two men that the albino brought with him stepped slowly into the dimly lit room. My eyes searched the emotionless form of the doctor for any clue about my friend's condition but found none.

"We managed to stabilize him." I could feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders by the dark haired mans words, "He is still having trouble breathing on his own and I would like to leave him on the oxygen for awhile longer to help make him comfortable but other then that he should wake up on his own eventually."

I sprung to my feet and pushed past the doctor before any more could be said, crossing the hall and entering the now darkened room where the hacker was still sleeping on the floor. When I saw Matt however I slowed right down and walked quietly over to his side, kneeling slowly down to sit by him.

He still looked terrible but his skin was less pale and his chest was rising and falling in an even and steady rhythm, and even though his face was covered by a light green mask I could tell his lips had regained some of there color. Slowly I took his bandaged hand and lightly squeezed it, I know he is asleep but I want to comfort the gamer any way I can.

"Riki informed me that Matt should recover fully given time…" I hadn't even noticed my rival enter the room until he spoke, "However there is still a chance he may die during the night."

Pulling the gamers cool hand to my cheek and then softly brushing my lips across the back of his knuckles. "No you will make it, I won't let anything else happen to you Matty." I coo softly, "I love you…"

_Yes I know, I couldn't not save my favorite red head!_

_But that dose not mean he is out of hot water, actually things are about to get very difficult for the terrible two.  
_

_Mello: I still hate you!_

_RipJaw: That's okay blondie boy, I am not finished destroying your mind yet!_

_Near: What about me?  
RipJaw: What? Your still hear? _

_Near: -.-'_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_  
HIYA!_

_Was attacked my major plot bunny today, so even though I haven't gotten all the reviews I normally wait for, you will get your chapter 6! _

_YAY!_

_Alright that's enough from mwa…_

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

Matt's POV:

Whoever said death was peaceful lied big time! My body feels so heavy I can't move, not that I should be able to feel anything anymore.

Every now and then I think I can hear people talking, Mello talking. I can't explain why, probably because the chocoholic is the only person I regret having to leave. The bond doesn't need me anymore, and I guess he never really did.

It's weird how things seem to happen around me even though the world appears totally black. Like when my hand tingles and feels as though it is being held softly, or when something warm brushed across my forehead. I keep telling myself it's not real; that it can't be due to the fact that I am dead, but for some reason I don't believe my own words.

Slowly my mind seems to become more and more active, another feeling I don't understand. It feels like the haze clouding my thoughts is lifting, and as it dose I slowly start to register something; pain! My chest heaves painfully and my arms twitch and ache.

The realisation finally hit me; someone found me before I bled to death. Unsure as to whether I should be happy that someone cared enough to keep me alive or miserable that someone stoped me from leaving, I concentrate all the energy I didn't know I had on opening my eyes.

At first nothing happened; my tired body not allowing for the movement, but after a few tries I manage to slide my emerald eyes open half way. Everything is in a blear, big coloured shapes everywhere with no real form. My eyes struggle to focus in the dim light, eventually making out a familiar figure sitting at my side.

"M-mels?" I gasp out, surprised at how weak and raspy my voice comes out.

"Yeah it's me." The figure whispers, running warm fingers through my damp hair, "Try to relax okay?" Mellos voice is so calm and soothing, sounding so different from the growling and yelling sound I was used to from the blond.

"H-hurts Mels" I cough as my lungs become more and more demanding.

"I know." The ex mafia leader sighs, lifting my stiff body up onto his lap and into a tight embrace, "I am so sorry Mail." The last statement left me very puzzled, what was he sorry for? It didn't make much sense to my still groggy mind.

"What for?" I question weakly, receiving a tighter hug from the chocoholic blond and a very pained expression from his scared face.

"For making you do this to yourself…" The blond said in a soft voice, "I nearly lost you Matt…" He choked. I must really have upset the guy because I could see tears forming in the corners of his sapphire eyes, "I shouldn't have said what I did… I am so sorry."

I said nothing as my best friend held me tight in his arms and sobbed over my injured body, I never expected him to be so upset and it broke my heart to see how much I had hurt the blond I love so much.

Without thinking I pull myself up and press my lips softly to those of my chocoholic friend in a loving but short lived kiss. It would have lasted longer if two things hadn't happened; the first of which being my body objecting furiously to my sudden movement and causing me to fall back into the other males arms, and the second being the fact that I realised what I was doing.

Mello looked down at my blushing face looking slightly shocked and confused but strangely he didn't look as angry as I expected; In fact he didn't look angry at all. I couldn't quite place the look in his eyes but for some reason the blond seemed far less dangerous and far more caring then I thought possible.

"Why did you do that?" He asked quietly. I was about to reply to when I felt the darkness begin seep back into my mind, slowing me down a little.

"I love you Miheal" I rasp; closing my eyes gently, "Always have…"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_So you survived 6 chapters and you're onto number 7…_

_Thank you for reading and thank you for all the reviews!_

_Enjoy!_

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

**Mello's POV:  
**

Matt loves me? I almost couldn't believe what the red head had just said; it was far too good to be true, but before I could tell the gamer that I returned his feelings he slipped back into that same deep sleep he has been in for the last three days.

Near and his doctors left not long after they stabilized the hacker, I never thought I would miss the albinos lounging around in my house but without him it felt as if I was alone in wanting my friend to live.

It was hell watching Matt struggle with every breath and the there where a few moments when I didn't think he would ever open his beautiful green eyes again. The white haired detective had told me that the red heads heart had stoped twice while they where giving him blood, and that his idiot doctors had broken some of his ribs trying to revive him.

I did everything I could to keep the normally so laid back gamer comfortable while he slept, moving his limp body onto my bed and wrapping him up in a warm blanket, I even slept next to him so I would know as soon as he needed me.

Luckily for me, the hacker seemed to be recovering well. The other male is not out of hot water yet, I know that, but it's comforting to know that he is slowly getting stronger.

After today, I have even more reason to fight for Matt. I have always dreamt of being able to hold the red head close like I am now, kissing his soft lips and running my fingers through his rusty hair. Without warning my dream became a reality and now I never want to let it go.

Hours pass, the hacker laying quietly in my arms; his body relaxed and his eyes closed. Eventually I decide that I should change the gamer's bandages and am forced to lay him back down on the bed.

I carefully rest my friend's body back into the soft pillows and pull the covers over him, planting a light kiss on his forehead before standing up to making my way to the door.

"Don't go…" A small and wheezy voice stoped me in my tracks, "Please Mells?" it pleads.

I quickly walk back over and kneel beside Matt, looking into his half open green eyes and running my fingers through his sweat dampened hair again.

"shh, I'm not going anywhere." I reassure him, slowly climbing back into bed with the hacker and wrapping my arms around his waist, "Just go back to sleep okay Matty?"

Matt lets out a little whimper of pain as he tries to pull himself closer to me; I quietly shift my own body so my chest is pressed against the gamer's side to stop him from trying to move again.

"Thanks…" the other male whispers in his horse and tired voice as he settles into a more comfortable position.

"Matt?" I whisper into his ear, "I have something to tell you…"

"Yeah?" the boy in my arms rasped back.

"I love you to." I manage to choke out; eyes watering at the memory of my closest friend's heart felt words.

Matt just smiles his usual, calm, sweet and beautiful smile. Closing his eyes he turns his head to face me, our faces are only centimetres apart; a gap which he quickly closes and brushes his lips against mine for the second time today.

When he pulled away a moment later; his eyes now half open again and his breath coming out in short pants, I could do nothing but stair into my best friends emerald orbs, drowning in there depths.

Slowly he begun to drift off again, but this time I was not far behind.

_Err sory for anouther short chapter..._

_cant say i LOVE this chapter like i love some of the others but its not bad,_

_please review.  
_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter8**

_Mello_: What the hell are you doing RJ?

_RipJaw_: Writing, what am I always doing?

_Mello_: NO! I MENT WHY ARE YOU TAKEING SO FREEKING LONG!

_RipJaw_: WELL, long story… there was this party an-

_Mello_: Oh god!

_RipJaw_: NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED! JEEZ! WHAT A PERVE!

MATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLOMATTMELLO

**MELLO'S POV:**

Matt is looking much better today then he did yesterday when he woke up. He seems a little happier then before to, I don't know whether that's because his injures are healing or because the red head is getting the affection he deserves.

The gamer fell asleep again about half an hour ago. That bustard Near had woken us both up with a pointless phone call to tell me some bit of information I didn't need to know. It was just a cover offcourse, a way to contact me to see if Matt was alright.

I bitched and complained about wakening us up to the hacker still curled up at my side, he just laughed softly at how 'worked up' I was getting. The truth is however I was almost glad the detective had called and pulled me from my dreams back to reality.

It felt like I was trapped in my nightmare, trapped in a world where everything was completely fucked over. I am used to the horrible things that have been happening in my dreams since I joined the mafia, since I killed another human for the first time, but this was different.

This was not a dream about having to kill an innocent person, being attacked on the street by some spastic that wanted revenge or had been hired to off me, hell it wasn't even about being trapped in an exploding room filled with fire and having to try and run while my body burned from the flames and my lungs heaved from the smoke. This was a dream far worse then anything I have had before.

This dream was about a matt.

I was too late to save my beloved redhead from himself, he had died in my arms and even though I tried and tried to revive him but failed. In this twisted version of reality invented by my guilty mind, nobody came to help and I am shore if nothing had happened to wake me my dream would have ended in my own suicide.

The buzzing of the small mobile laying on the floor next to the bed had freed me from something that was truly killing me. That normally so annoying sound pulled me back to where a very tired hacker was rubbing his emerald eyes and mumbling something about me needing to change my ring tone before snuggling closer, his arms wrapped around me tightly.

Looking back down at the gamer now I can see his chest rising and falling smoothly. I never thought something so simple could make me feel so much better until now; almost as if watching him breathe confirms to the tangled mess in my mind that Matt is still alive.

"Mells?" The lump beside me murmurs in a tried and drawn out whisper, "You awake?"

"Yeah, I'm awake." I whisper back, "You need something?"

Matt nodded and mumbled something about a cigarette, I have always hated him smoking and he knew there was no chance I would get the chain smoker another cancer stick to further shorten his life. In fact I had every intentions of convincing the hacker to quit eventually, and until he is better there is no way I am going to feed his deadly addiction.

Before I can say or do anything in response to the gamers request he takes it upon himself to use me as a pillow, burying his face into my neck and muttering 'loves you Mells' only just loud enough for me to hear.

"Love you to Matty."

Only a few moments pass before I notice that he has drifted off again, Matt is still too weak to stay awake for long periods of time before he falls back into that same wrestles sleep. I don't mind however, with the hacker curled up with me for so long I have had the chance to think everything through.

I now know what I need to do.

______________________

REVIEW!

Ps. my chapters are short because I don't want to have to change POV or have large time lapses in the same chapter…

Oh go read my Mattmello one-shot 'before I can say I am sorry' if you need some proof that changing POV a lot hurts…


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 **

_**Mello:**__ hey Matty?_

_**Matt:**__ Yeah Mel?_

_**Mello:**__ have you seen that bitch with the red hair that has it in for us lately? _

_**Matt:**__ RJ? No... _

_**RJ:**__ (Slams opens the door and dies on the couch) _

_**Matt:**__ you look like me after that 38hour final fantasy gaming marathon!_

_**RJ:**__ Sorry it took so long guys..._

_**Mello:**__ God, you look like shit... When was the last time you slept?_

_**RJ:**__ Was busy getting my ass dumped, didn't feel like hanging around a love sick puppy and a gun wielding sadist! _

_**Matt:**__ Err... I detect a world of pain coming!_

_**Mello:**__ ... just stay behind me matt..._

_**RJ:**__ (growls loudly)_

**Matts POV:**

It's been a week since Mel's rescued me. A week since I discovered the man I loved returned my feelings in bucket loads. A week since Mello last obsessed over the Kira case.

I know all this should make me happy; and I really am much happier then I was before, but I can't shake the feeling of guilt. The more time the short fused gunner spends with me the less he focuses on the goal I know has been so important to me for so long...

I know deep down that no matter how much Mello thinks he loves me his dream of being the best and brightest will always be the only thing that can truly make him happy. To defeat Near is in the Catholics blood, and if he keeps doing what he is doing it will never happen.

My best friend is being slowed down by my own weakness.

I have been thinking about it a lot in the past few days, there has to be something I can do to stop the blond from throwing away what he worked so hard to achieve.

Lounging on the couch with my fiery red hair spilling over my friends leather clad legs, the small TV crackling with light and the voices of some random actors in a show neither Mello nor I where paying any attention to; the box was merely providing background noise for my intense dark thoughts.

Letting out a sad sigh I was hoping would go unnoticed by the ex mafia leader but a deep voice informed me otherwise.

"Matt?" the voice questioned, "Are you okay?"

"Nothing to worry about Mels." I offered, "Just a little tired is all."

There was a long and heavy silence. Mello didn't believe me. I don't blame him; I have never been good lire after all, well not as good as the blond was as a detective. Thankfully however he decided not to push the matter any further and instead left me to my thoughts.

He probably thinks I'm just going through one of the many nicotine withdrawals I have been experiencing since the blond banned me from smoking, claiming it would do my recovery no good. I am shore if he knew what I was really thinking of; he wouldn't have allowed me to go on with my own self torture. Then again not even I know what's going on in that superhuman brain of his sometimes.

It's not that I want to die any more, in fact I have never felt so alive as I do when I am in the strong arms of the scared genius, It's just that I can't bear the thought of slowing him down and destroying what has been so important to the golden haired man for almost the entire time I have known him.

I can't stop thinking about how much better it would be for him if I were not around, wayang up my own selfish wants with the needs of my best and only true friend.

Nothing about the choice I eventually made was easy in the slightest, but I knew it had to be done.

Pushing myself up off the ex mafia leaders lap, planting a soft kiss on his lips and telling him I was going to have a bath before slipping away into the bathroom to catty out my angst plan. The whole time I continued to tell myself that this was for my blue eyed friend and that I couldn't back out.

I bailed myself up in the small bathroom and focused on making the door Mello proof, it would be a shame if he broke down the door he had only just fixed trying to get to me, and it would be even worse if he got to me before I carried out my plans. This would be the only chance I get, if I fail then he will never let me out of his sight again.

After quickly turned on the tap to cover my movements I began fiddling with the back of the median cabinet looking for that secret compartment that held a far deadlier weapon then the broken razor I tore into my flesh with just a week before; a small hand gun, Mello's small hand gun actually. He stashed the shiny silver weapon hear so if anyone broke into the tiny apartment I could run in hear and defend myself even if the place had been searched and striped while we where away.

I slid the weapon out of its hiding place and into my firm grip, before seating myself down, cross-legged on the cold bathroom tiles and pushing the end of the barrel to my head, ice cold mettle that would soon be hot with the power of the gun powder forcing the heavy lump of lead into my defenceless brain. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking only of the blond that my sacrifice would free I get ready to squeeze the trigger and end my life.

'CRASH' a loud noise breaks me from my deep concentration, causing me to open my eyes and look directly into the face of a very pissed blond.

"MATT!" the ex mafia leader growled, "YOU BASTERED, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING"

I held back a smirk when I realised how rigid the bathroom now was. When he fixed the door he made it so with a simple tug on the handle and the right amount of force it would simply brake off its hinges and pop out like a piece of toast. Not only that but I had failed to notice that he installed a security camera in the top of the median cabinet so as soon as i sat down, gun in hand he could see everything on his laptop.

"I don't want to hold you back from defeating Near." I said flatly, never removing the gun from my head or my finger from its trigger, "I do love you Mels, please don't be mad."

This time I didn't take my eyes off Mello's burning blue orbs as I prepared myself mentally for the loud bang and endless darkness I faced when the bullet ripped through my brain. But before I could squeeze the trigger the blond whipped out his gun and shot a thick slug of lead into my left shoulder causing me to drop my weapon and cry out in searing pain.

I grabbed at the painful wound my best friend had just deliberately inflicted with my free hand, cursing and growling at the bartered that shot me before I could shoot myself.

Before I knew what was happening I was being carried to the couch, dripping even more blood on the floor and dying said couch red. I kept my eyes squeezed shut as the wordless ex mafia leader pulled of my once stripy now crimson shirt over my head, laid me down roughly on my back and to my complete horror, begun digging out the bullet that was buried deep in my shoulder.

"S-SHIT M-MELLO!" I screamed in pain, "THE H-HELLYA D-DOING!"

Finally the cold gunner decided to speak up, "It has to come out Matt," He said in a distant voice, "Or would you rather me leave it in there."

It took well over an hour for him to patch me up, but for me it seemed much longer. And once Mello was satisfied I wouldn't drop dead from shock or blood loss he simply forced me to take a small white tablet I assume was some kind of pain killer.

I was pretty angry at the ex mafia leader but I knew he only did it to stop me from killing myself, he clearly didn't see that I was holding him back the way I did.

"Matt?" the blond whispered in my ear as I still lay limp on the lounge room floor, "Why did you do that to me?" his voice was quiet and shaky, "I didn't want to hurt you."

For the first time I sore the whole ordeal through the eyes of the man I loved, I made someone who cared so much for me, do something that must have truly killed him inside.

"Sorry Mells," I rasped, "I just don't wanna hold you back anymore..."

"Matty," The now soft voice was followed by an arm around my shoulder, pulling my body up until I was sitting in the blonds lap; my tired head on his un-scared shoulder, "I should have told you this when I first knew that it's what I truly wanted..." there was a short pause as though the emotionally cripple detective was thinking hard about what he was about to say, "I am giving up on the kira case..." He whispered as though it was nothing.

"WHAT!?" I snapped in confusion, "This is your chance to beat that albino punk once and for all!"

Mello simply shook his head slowly and went on tell me all about the reason why he hated near... Because he was jealous of him yes, but not for the reasons I had thought...

Then came the punch line to his uncharacteristically long explanation, "I have decided that I want nothing more than to live out the rest of my life with you Mail." I was nearly in tears by this point, "I have already told Near that he is on his own, all that's left is to lay low until everything blows over."

I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing; it was way too good to be happening to a scruffy mutt like me. With tearful eyes I nodded in agreement, this would be the first day of my life.

_**RJ**__: DONE!_

_**MATT**__: YOU SHOT ME!_

_**MELLO:**__ You nearly shot you!_

_**MATT**__: I thought you were a pacifist RJ, What's with all the Gun violence!?_

_**RJ**__: (shrugs) in any case, I will get off your case for awhile!_

_**MELLO**__: Thank god!_


End file.
